Dictionary Updates by Oxford‏ (Jokes)

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**Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

**Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

**Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'.

**Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

**Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

**Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power

**Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

**Classic: books that people praise, but do not read.

**Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

**Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

**Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

**Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

**Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

**Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

**Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

**Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

**Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

**Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway 'See, I am not injured yet.'

**Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

**Father: A banker provided by nature.

**Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

**Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

**Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.





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